Credit Where It Is Due August 11, 2009

Over the years I have had many people who have come in and out of my life. From these people I have learned so many things about myself. I have learned how to be a better person. I have learned who I would like to become.

So, for this post, I would like to acknowledge a few of these people. Each person has made either a small or huge impact in my life. I would feel wrong if I did not give the credit where it is due.

My Lord and Savior: Without Him, I am nothing. I would have never made it as far as I have in school and LIFE in general without Him in my life.

My parents: They are the reason I am here. I have truly been blessed to have such amazing parents. They have always given me the love and support I have needed all of my life.  They have always been there. They are the people who taught me how to serve. They are a couple of the most selfless people I know. I have watched them perform small and simple acts of kindness or service my entire life. They have never hesitated to help someone in need. My parents are a HUGE inspiration for this blog.

My sister and brothers: Sure they drive me nuts, but I know they would do anything for me. They would also do anything for anyone. They are so loyal and caring.

My Grandparents: They have always been so caring and thoughtful. They have each taught me the importance of family.

My 15 roommates over 4 years: A lot of roommates, right? Well, I have learned something from every single one of them. Something each of them has in common? They are all different. From each of them I have learned that there are so many people in this world with different personalities and different points of view. Each of us has been raised differently and believe things in different ways.

The people I meet/see/talk to on a daily basis: I am just fascinated by the way people think and do things. I learn something from every person I come in to contact with. How? Just by observation. It is amazing what you can learn from someone by watching/talking to them. I love to meet new people and getting to know them.

There are so many people I could talk about. If you are reading this and I did not mention you, just know you have made an impact in some way.

I have noticed every single person has one thing in common: we are all HUMAN. We ALL make mistakes. NO ONE IS PERFECT. I have learned to RESPECT people and the opinions and beliefs they have. We all fighting some kind of battle. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is. Just because it may not be hard for another person, does not mean it is not hard for you. Just know, someone is there for you. Someone wants to see you succeed.

However, all of us cannot be that someone. What can we do to help? Take the time to remember the small and simple kindnesses in life. Take the time to serve another by SMILING, saying PLEASE and THANK YOU, LISTENING, REMEMBERING WE ARE NOT ALONE. Doing all of these things and so many more can help make those battles a little bit easier. It can help make LIFE easier.

Remember THEIR Name August 10, 2009

During my second year of nursing school our professor gave us a quiz.  I breezed through the questions until I read the last one:  “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”  Surely this was a joke.  I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name?  I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.  Before the class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grade.  “Absolutely,” the professor said.  “In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant.  They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson.  I also learned her name was Dorothy.  ~Joann C. Jones

This story hit me. It is amazing how much we can forget when we are going through school, work, family- just LIFE. There are so many people in this world who go unnoticed. Some may want it that way, but what about those who don’t? What about those people who are too afraid or shy to even talk to another person? If they don’t talk or are just sitting in the background, we just look past them; we don’t even think twice about that girl in the back corner of the classroom or the custodian that cleans up after us. We don’t really think about who that person is or what they are about. We never even take the time to find out a person’s NAME.

“Remember people’s names. You will be remembered for it.” I read that in high school and ever since then, it has been my goal to remember the names of people I meet. It was hard to do at first, but the more I started to do it, the easier it was.

Too many people make assumptions about another person. They never take the time to get to know them. And all it starts with is a NAME. Something small and simple. A persons name defines them. It sets them apart from everyone else. Knowing a person’s name lets them know in a small way, you CARE. It means you took the time to to remember THEM. For some reason we can remember a the names of celebrities, why not the people we actually talk to?

Every person you meet will have some impact in your life. You may never know if you will see them again. That person could be your future boss. That person could get your foot into the door of your dream job. That person could be your new best friend.

Bottom Line: Every person has a significant role to play in this world. We may never know what that is unless we take the time to get to know them and REMEMBER THIER NAME.

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say August 8, 2009

Regina: Oh, my [Gosh]! I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Girl: It was my mom’s in the 70’s

Regina: Vintage. So adorable.

Girl: Thanks!

[Girl walks away]

Regina to Cady: That is the ugliest F-ing skirt I have ever seen.

This is a monologue from one of my favorite movies, “Mean Girls”. For some reason I find this to be funny. “But, Alyssa, she tells a girl that she has an adorable skirt and then turns around and says it’s ugly. That is not funny.”

Exactly why it is so funny. Not in a ‘ha ha’ kind of way. More like a ‘huh, I wonder why she would do that’ kind of way.

I once knew a person that would tell me I looked amazing in the outfit I had on. About a week later we were talking about complimenting others. She told me she would compliment a person on their outfit or whatever it was just to make them feel better, not because it actually looked good. Um, what? So did I not look good in the outfit earlier that week?

And I wondered, why would she do that? She told me it was to make others feel better about themselves. Really? Well, what happens when that person finds out you really didn’t mean it; when someone who is really their friend, tells them the outfit really isn’t so flattering? It can and probably will make the person feel worse. Why? Because you just let them walk around all day thinking they looked super awesome, when really they were not.

Things are very competitive in this world today, like getting that job, getting the better grade in school or even getting that boys (or girls) attention. Sometimes, in order to keep us going, we need to hear an HONEST COMPLIMENT from, well anyone. Sometimes it’s what helps us feel like the things we do don’t go unnoticed. This could be in the workplace, to a friend, an acquaintance, a classmate, a nice comment on a blog, etc.

When someone says your hair looks great or that you wrote an awesome blog, it makes you feel great, right? I know it helps me! This is just another small and simple way to help someone; to lift their spirits a bit. But, you must remember to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. Like mom says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

And just for a little example of how to do this, I found a blog post from “Lola’s Diner” about The Compliment Guys. It is a little old, but still applies. And it’s funny. Enjoy!

What’s the Magic Word? August 6, 2009

“Mom, can I have a cookie?”

“What’s the magic word?”

“Pleeeease?!”

And then the little person got their cookie or whatever it is they wanted like, well, magic.

I remember being taught the “magic words” growing up, as I am sure many of you had. It was amazing what one simple word, like please, could get you. Cookies, ice cream, stickers, barbies, trucks, etc.

You know what amazes me now? What simple words like PLEASE and THANK YOU can get you. Weird how it’s still the same, right? I guess those parents of ours knew what they were doing when they raised us.

Saying please and thank you helps others WANT to do things for you. They are more willing to do whatever it is you ask. I know this is the case for me. As I have mentioned before, I love to do things for other people and a lot of the time I do get the “magic words”. This helps motivate myself and others to serve with a smile rather than grudgingly.

I understand that someone will not need help most of the time; they can do things on their own. But during those times of stress, a little help is needed. And just saying two simple words can be enough to let the other person know you are grateful (if you are not, I would just take the time to let the other person know that, although it was nice, you don’t necessarily need help unless you do ask for it).

So, what about those people that you know will never say please or thank you? Staying true to what I have said before: it doesn’t always matter. You should not expect to hear these words every time you do something for another person. If you are, then you may not have the proper mindset for serving. Service or kindness is usually meant to be done without the expectation of something in return.

I think please and thank you should become a bit more common in our vocabulary. This is a small and simple way to appreciate others and life in general.

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.”
~Ralph Marston

YOU Just Got Served August 5, 2009

Today I am going to deviate from what I normally talk about. Instead of talking about ways WE can do service for others, I want to talk about what to do when others perform a service for US.

How does having something done for you make you feel? Happy? Grateful? Angry? UNCOMFORTABLE?

Today I held the door open for someone and I got the strangest reaction (yes, I know we shouldn’t care about that, read further, it will make sense). The person acted like they didn’t want it and they wanted to just punch me in the face for holding the door open. Why would they act like that? Why wouldn’t you want someone to do that?

At first it bothered me a little bit. I mean, it was just something simple. Then as I thought about it, I realized: some people are uncomfortable when someone does something for THEM.

Why would I come to this conclusion? Confession: I am one of those people who get uncomfortable.

The thought dawned on me while I was walking home. I LOVE to do things for others. I like being there for other people. I like to hold the door open, smiling for a sorrowful stranger, or saying please and thank you.

But when I get served, if you will, I feel kind of weird. That’s not to say I don’t need someone to open the door for me or anything. I guess I just feel like I can do it for myself. I feel like I need to prove to myself and others that I am independent and I can handle something small on my own.

We need to realize that this is not always the case. At some point in our lives WE will be the people that need help. WE will be the people that need to learn to ACCEPT that help and begin to feel COMFORTABLE about receiving it.

Why should we? Have you ever thought about the person serving you? Maybe it is just as uncomfortable for them to serve. Maybe it’s their first time trying to do something nice; trying to come out of that shell or the ME attitude. If you seem ungrateful or shove it off like it was nothing, they may never want to do it again.

Now, I am not saying we should kneel down and praise them for opening a door. I am just saying to ACKNOWLEDGE it. Let them know you noticed by saying THANK YOU. That is all. Nothing too big. This way the service is reciprocated. And that my friends, is how this whole thing works.

Moral of the story: LET SOMEONE DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.

Smiles Mean Something More August 1, 2009

The SIMPLE SMILE

She smiled at the sorrowful stranger.

The smile seemed to make him feel better.

He remembered past kindness of a friend,

and wrote him a thank you letter.

The friend was so pleased with the thank you,

that he left a large tip after lunch.

The waitress, surprised by the size of the tip,

bet the whole thing on a hunch.

The next day she picked up her winnings,

and gave part to a man that lived on the street.

The man on the street was grateful,

for two days he’d had nothing to eat.

After he finished his dinner,

he left for his small dingy room.

He didn’t know at that moment that he might be facing his doom.

On the way he picked up a shivering puppy,

and took him home to get warm.

The puppy was very grateful,

to be out of the storm.

That night the house caught on fire.

The puppy barked the alarm.

He barked till he woke the whole household,

and saved everybody from harm.

One of the boys that he rescued,

grew up to be President.

All this because of a simple smile,

That hadn’t cost a cent.

~ Author unknown

I love this poem. Although it does seem a little unrealistic, it gives an idea of how something so simple can have the greatest impact. A smile can mean something more than what you think it does. That smile may be the only one that person has seen in weeks. A smile does not cost money and it definitely takes less than a second to smile at a person as you walk by.

Understandably, our society has become paranoid and afraid to even look at a stranger. People may look at you like you are strange for simply smiling at them. They will probably think, “Who is the person? They don’t know me”. Seriously, WHO CARES.

But, I guess this is one of the points I am trying to make in these blogs. We need to be kinder and happier. We need to laugh more and not take things so seriously. It will give others a little reassurance that there are still GOOD, KIND and HAPPY people in this confused and depressed world.

I challenge you to try it. Just remember, SMILES MEAN SOMETHING MORE.

What’s That You Said? August 1, 2009

As we go along in my blogs, I will be discussing small ways we can serve others.

First topic: Listening.

I recently learned in one of my college classes, that listening is the most needed skill in the workplace. It is also the most neglected. This can also be true when talking to family, friends, classmates, etc. It seems that most of us our distracted, preoccupied, or forgetful while we should be listening to another person. We are so concerned with what we are having for lunch or what we are going to say next. We may be hearing the other person, but not truly listening.

In his article: “Listen More, Speak Less-5 Steps to Better Listening“, Guy Harris discusses ways we can be better listeners.

1. Listen to understand, not respond. “To listen effectively, I suggest that you view dialogue more like a pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. The pitcher (speaker) throws the ball for the catcher (you) to receive it. The catcher only throws the ball back after he has it firmly in his grasp. In other words, listen to receive the meaning. Once you understand, then you can respond“.

2. Be Quiet. “Being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear the words, the tone, and the meaning behind the words. It gives you the chance to observe the speaker’s body language”.

3. Let them finish their thoughts. “In other words, don’t interrupt the speaker…  However, I have seen many arguments and misunderstandings that stemmed from interruptions. It’s hard to remain silent. It’s even harder to remain silent until someone has completely expressed their idea”.

4. Maintain eye contact. “Effective listening means observing everything about the speaker’s message. People communicate at least as much with their body language as they do with their words. Good listeners learn to “listen” with their eyes as well as with their ears”.

5. Ask questions to ensure that you understand.  “Just because you heard the words and observed the body language, don’t assume that you understand. If a particular point is unclear to you, ask a question to clarify it before you respond“.

Now is the point where you are probably asking, what does this have to do with serving others? Let me tell you.

Helping a person does not necessarily mean physically doing something. There are so many people that just need someone to LISTEN. Letting a person speak their thoughts to clarify a situation can help make things better. Sometimes that is all they need, no speaking required on our end.

Just remember, learning to really listen takes time and patience. So don’t expect to be great at it. Take it one step at a time. You will be surprised by how much you can learn about the person you are listening to. Make the most of the time you have with the person; you may also learn something about yourself.

Forget Yourself and Serve July 29, 2009

Welcome to my first post!

So, what is this blog all about anyway?

Doing things for other people. Or at least talking about it.

Sometimes people can get so wrapped up in their own lives; they forget what is going on around them. It seems like everything in their life is important, that all of their problems are the worst and it is the end of the world. I will admit, I was one of these people. Newsflash: THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE IN A CRAPPIER POSITION THAN YOU. As hard as that is to believe, it is so true.

This is more evident now than ever before. These economic times have led to many unemployed, homeless, unhappy people. And right now, there isn’t much we can do to change this situation. However, as my ever positive grandmother said: If you can’t change the situation, CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.

Question is how do we change our attitude? Answer: Forget yourself and serve.

What? But, I don’t have time. I don’t have the money. I don’t know where to go. I don’t have a car. I don’t have the knowledge. Stop with the negatives. Sometimes service does not require any of these “don’ts” Sometimes they can be as simple as holding a door open for someone, saying please and thank you, SMILING (change your attitude-BE HAPPY!), clean up litter, write nice e-mails or notes to your Facebook friends… and the list goes on and on. You would be surprised at what happens. Sometimes you may never know if the person appreciated it or not. But, I can guarentee everyone loves to have something nice done for them and eventually that will rub off.

You will notice the blogroll I have going. These are just a few websites or blogs that talk about service and how they have helped numerous people. Some are even local, such as Kindness is Your Currency and Think Kindness. Check them out!

Service or KINDNESS is contagious. It’s actually quite amazing to see and live.