By Small and Simple Things

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" ~Plato

I Ain’t Even Mad… April 16, 2015

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Something I have heard throughout the months since my husband’s passing is, how I could possibly not be mad a God for what has happened. Why would He take away Bryan so soon, when he was so young and when we were just married?

Now, I am not saying that I have never been angry through all this. Mostly it stems from frustration and not being able to fully comprehend the purpose of it all. I have yelled, moped, and stewed over it. I have asked why so many times, wishing things were different. Being angry is part of the grieving process. It’s just a natural reaction because something or someone that was loved so dearly will never come back.

However, I have never been mad at God, ever. The thing I realized was:  how could I be mad at God when he gave me the best thing that has ever happened to me? How can I be mad at the person that has given me so many blessings throughout my entire life? Because of the good that I have tried to do and trying to follow the gospel, I was blessed to meet and be sealed to the man I was meant to be with, the man that I made this plan with before we came to earth. I shouldn’t ever find an excuse to be mad at God; He gave me the best thing life could offer, knowing real love and being able to love unconditionally.

Si estás leyendo esto, no burles de la traducción! 😉

Algo que he escuchado durante los meses desde que mi esposo falleció es, como será posible que no estoy enojada con Dios después lo que me pasó­. Por qué tomó a Bryan tan pronto de esta vida, cuando estaba tan joven y después nos casamos solo cinco meses­?

Bueno, no estoy diciendo que no he sido enojada durante todo eso. Más que nada se resulta de la frustración y no poder comprender el propósito de todo eso. He gritado, he estado deprimida, y lucho cada día para estar feliz. He preguntado el por qué tantas veces, deseando que todo estuviera diferente. Al estar enojada es un parte del proceso de afligirse. Es una reacción natural porqué algo o alguien que fue amado tanto nunca va a volver.

Sin embargo, nunca he estado enojada con Dios, jamás. La cosa que me di cuenta fue: cómo puedo estar enojada con Dios, cuando me dio la cosa que jamás me ha pasado? Como puedo estar enojada con la persona que me ha dado tanas bendiciones por toda mi vida? Es por el bueno que he intentado hacer y por tratar a seguir el evangelio, que fui bendecida a conocer y estar sellada con hombre que estaba destinada, el hombre con quien hicimos este plan antes de llevar al mundo. Nunca debo encontrar una excusa estar enojada con Dios; me dio la mejor cosa que esta vida podría ofrecer, sabiendo el verdadero amor y ser capaz de amar incondicionalmente.

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I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. ~Philippians 4:13 January 4, 2015

Filed under: Uncategorized — alyssamills @ 7:59 pm
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I always felt I could make it through anything, I was unshakeable. However, this-this shook me. I had never felt more alone in my entire 27-year life; it was something I couldn’t handle. I have never been more erratic in my emotions than in the last few months. I have cried an ocean of tears, been angry, sad, depressed; completely beaten. Losing Bryan and dealing with the pain has been the most difficult trial of my life. My entire future changed without warning and I didn’t know what to do.

As I have tried to make sense of it all, I have been reminded that although I may feel alone, I do have Jesus Christ- and this is between me and Him.

“The Continuous Conversion” by Brad Wilcox has been helpful with the reminder of the need of a Savior. He states, “We all encounter many struggles that quickly become more than we can bear alone.” He then tells the story of a friend that seemed to explain how I feel at times:

“When my friend Kris Belcher tragically lost her sight due to cancer, people attempted to comfort her by saying, “You can make it through. Heavenly Father wouldn’t give you anything you couldn’t handle.” Kris wrote, “Although that was meant as encouragement, it made me feel horrible. I already felt powerless, weak, and unable to cope with my new life.” Inside she would cry, “I really can’t handle this! I have no more strength left. Everyone thinks I am so brave when I am scared to death!” In those low moments, the Holy Ghost comforted and taught her. She wrote, “The idea that I wouldn’t be given anything I couldn’t handle was not true! If it were, then there would be no need for Christ. I had been given many things to handle that required more power than I had. Only when I accessed the power of Jesus Christ would my strength be magnified and my weaknesses overcome.”

I am grateful for the Savior and the knowledge that He will always be there to hold me up, especially when I feel so alone. It is because of His grace that I still feel the love of Bryan. I know it is through Him I am able move forward. It is a very slow process, but with Him I can do it.

Siempre pensaba que yo podía aguantar todo, yo era firme. Pero, eso me tomó por sorpresa. Nunca me había sentido más sola en mi vida de 27 años, fue algo que no podría aguantar. Nunca he sido más inconstante en mis emociones que en los últimos meses. He llorado lagrimas que podía llenar un mar. He estado enojada, deprimida, triste, y vencida. Al perder Bryan y tratar con el dolor ha sido la más difícil prueba de mi vida. Todo mi futuro me había cambiado y yo no sabía qué hacer.

Como he tratado de dar sentido a todo, algunos me recuerdan que aunque yo siento sola, yo tengo a Jesucristo, y eso es entre yo y Él.

¨The Continuous Conversion¨por Brad Wilcox ha sido un gran ayuda con el recordatorio del necesito de un Salvador. Él dice, ¨todos tenemos luchas que se vuelven rápidamente más de lo que podemos manejar solos.¨ El sigue con una cuenta de su amiga que, para mí, explicó los sentimientos que yo tengo a veces.

¨Cuando mi amiga Kris Belcher trágicamente perdió su vista a cáncer, personas quieran dar consuelo por decir, ¨Puedes aguantar. El Padre Celestial no te ha dado algo que no puedes aguantar.¨ Kris escribió, ¨Aunque querían decir esas palabras como ánimo, yo sentía horrible. Ya sentía ineficaz, débil, y incapaz de hacer frente a mi nueva vida.¨ Dentro, ella lloraría, ¨Yo no puedo aguantar eso! No tengo más fuerza. Todos piensan que soy tan fuerte, pero tengo tanto miedo!¨ En esos momentos, el Espíritu Santo le dio consuelo y le enseño. Ella escribió, ¨La idea de que no me darían cualquier cosa que no podía manejar no era cierto! Si fuera cierto, no sería una necesidad por Cristo. Me había dado muchas cosas para aguantar que requieran más poder que yo tenía. Sólo cuando accedí al poder de Jesús Cristo sería magnificado mi fuerza y mis debilidades a superar

Yo estoy agradecida por mi Salvador y el conocimiento que El siempre estará allí para sostenerme, especialmente cuando siento tan sola. Es por su gracia que todavía siento el amor de Bryan. Yo sé que es mediante Él que yo puedo seguir adelante. Es un proceso lento, pero con Él, puedo hacerlo.

 

Love is Louder Than All Your Pain November 30, 2014

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We have all experienced incredible joy or excruciating pain at one point in our lives, multiple times maybe. Sometimes it can be physical, mental, or spiritual. For me it happened all at once in the course of a year.

The man of my dreams made me his forever, but shortly after he slipped into my dreams as he was taken to heaven.

It’s been hard; a lot of things I don’t understand or will never know the answer, which frustrates me beyond belief. However, there are things that I do know that bring me comfort and strength. The Savior is real and His atonement is an amazingly beautiful gift. I know Heavenly Father is completely loving and all knowing; His will and plan is far better and greater than we can imagine. I know without the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I would be lost. I know that families can be forever through the Plan of Salvation; I know that I will be with my Bryan again. I know that there is hope and, with the eternal perspective, things don’t seem so bad. I know that there is good in the world because of all the love and support that I have been given, not only from family and friends, but complete strangers. I know that prayer works. Without that personal and intimate communication with God, I could not be comforted and I could not know of all these things. I know that I am loved and can still feel the love Bryan has for me.

I heard in a song once that “love is louder than all your pain”. I find this to be true. The deep and everlasting love I have for Bryan keeps me going and will guide me for the rest of my life. I feel pain, but the love I have is stronger. I can say that I have witnessed this through the kindness of the people I am surrounded by. The love shown has also made me stronger; supported me in the moments of incredible pain and reminds me that I will be able to feel joy again.

 

De vez en cuando en nuestras vidas, todos tenemos tiempos de gozo o/y dolor amargo. Quizás, nos vienen muchas veces. Pueden ser física, mental, o espiritual. Se me paso a mí en un ano.

El hombre de mis sueños, llego a mi vida y nos casamos para siempre. Solamente cinco meses del día mismo que nos casamos, trágicamente el falleció, volviendo a ser el hombre de mis sueños de nuevo.

Ha sido difícil, hay muchas cosas que no entiendo o hay cosas que nunca sabré lo que me frustra muchísimo. Sin embargo, hay cosas que yo sé que me dan consuelo y fuerza. El Señor es real y su expiación es un don bello y especial. Yo sé que mi Padre Celestial tiene un amor completo y que Él sabe todo. Su plan es mucho mejor y mayor de lo que podíamos imaginar. Yo sé que sin el evangelio de Jesucristo, seria perdida. Yo sé que las familias pueden ser juntas para siempre mediante el Plan de Salvación. Yo sé que estaré con mi Bryan otra vez. Yo sé que hay esperanza y con una vista eternal, las cosas del mundo no son tan terrible. Yo sé que existe bien en este mundo porque no solo recibo amor y apoyo de mis familiares y amigos, pero también de personas que no conozco. Yo sé que la oración funciona. Sin esa comunicación personal con mi Padre Celestial, no pudiera sentir consuelo ni sabría de todas estas cosas. Yo sé que soy amada y todavía puedo sentir el amor que Bryan tiene para mí.

Escuche en una canción las palabras, “el amor es más fuerte que todo su dolor”. Yo creo que esto es cierto. El amor puro y eterno que tengo para Bryan me ayuda seguir adelante y me guiara para el resto de mi vida. Yo siento el dolor, pero el amor que siento es más fuerte. Puedo decir esto porque he sido testigo de esto a través de la bondad de las personas que me rodea. El amor se muestra también me ha hecho más fuerte, me apoyaron en momentos de dolor increíble y me recuerda que podre sentir la alegría de nuevo.

 

I’m baaaaack! January 2, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — alyssamills @ 11:54 am
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So, it has been a little while since I have written here. I decided to serve an 18-month mission for the LDS church in 2009 and returned in 2010. It was amazing experience, where I had the blessing and opportunity to serve and teach the people of Argentina. I was able to grow not only spiritually, but I was also able to grow to love service on a whole different level. I was able to discover different ways that people need to be taken care of, to be served.

It was also on my mission that I discovered what I should be doing with my career choice, with my life. I graduated with a degree in Business Management before I had left on my mission. I knew I wanted to be a manager, to be in charge of something. I just didn’t know what. While on a mission, you don’t have a paid job, you are there to dedicate your life to not only the Lord, but to helping others in their personal struggles physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was during that time that I had decided what I wanted to do.

I have always enjoyed helping others and making sure that they are taken care of. It took some pondering and some time to understand the promptings that I was receiving, but finally (!) I figured out what I wanted to do, I am going to work in healthcare! I have always had a place in my heart for that. I am not necessarily cut out for the nurse/doctor side of things, but I do have a knack for administrative things. So, my plan is to be in healthcare administration. It will take some time to get to where I want to be career-wise, but I know it will be worth it! I currently work in a pediatrics clinic and I love it!

So, to make a long story short, I have found a way to combine my love of service with my career so that I can really enjoy what I do day in and day out. So, with this new discovery and continual love for service, I wanted to start up this blog again. So, I will be writing about service experiences, small and big, that I learned from my mission, from work, and of course from everyday life. So, here’s to a new year full of learning experiences!

 

Credit Where It Is Due August 11, 2009

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Over the years I have had many people who have come in and out of my life. From these people I have learned so many things about myself. I have learned how to be a better person. I have learned who I would like to become.

So, for this post, I would like to acknowledge a few of these people. Each person has made either a small or huge impact in my life. I would feel wrong if I did not give the credit where it is due.

My Lord and Savior: Without Him, I am nothing. I would have never made it as far as I have in school and LIFE in general without Him in my life.

My parents: They are the reason I am here. I have truly been blessed to have such amazing parents. They have always given me the love and support I have needed all of my life.  They have always been there. They are the people who taught me how to serve. They are a couple of the most selfless people I know. I have watched them perform small and simple acts of kindness or service my entire life. They have never hesitated to help someone in need. My parents are a HUGE inspiration for this blog.

My sister and brothers: Sure they drive me nuts, but I know they would do anything for me. They would also do anything for anyone. They are so loyal and caring.

My Grandparents: They have always been so caring and thoughtful. They have each taught me the importance of family.

My 15 roommates over 4 years: A lot of roommates, right? Well, I have learned something from every single one of them. Something each of them has in common? They are all different. From each of them I have learned that there are so many people in this world with different personalities and different points of view. Each of us has been raised differently and believe things in different ways.

The people I meet/see/talk to on a daily basis: I am just fascinated by the way people think and do things. I learn something from every person I come in to contact with. How? Just by observation. It is amazing what you can learn from someone by watching/talking to them. I love to meet new people and getting to know them.

There are so many people I could talk about. If you are reading this and I did not mention you, just know you have made an impact in some way.

I have noticed every single person has one thing in common: we are all HUMAN. We ALL make mistakes. NO ONE IS PERFECT. I have learned to RESPECT people and the opinions and beliefs they have. We all fighting some kind of battle. It doesn’t matter how big or small it is. Just because it may not be hard for another person, does not mean it is not hard for you. Just know, someone is there for you. Someone wants to see you succeed.

However, all of us cannot be that someone. What can we do to help? Take the time to remember the small and simple kindnesses in life. Take the time to serve another by SMILING, saying PLEASE and THANK YOU, LISTENING, REMEMBERING WE ARE NOT ALONE. Doing all of these things and so many more can help make those battles a little bit easier. It can help make LIFE easier.

 

Remember THEIR Name August 10, 2009

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During my second year of nursing school our professor gave us a quiz.  I breezed through the questions until I read the last one:  “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?”  Surely this was a joke.  I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name?  I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.  Before the class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grade.  “Absolutely,” the professor said.  “In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant.  They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello.” I’ve never forgotten that lesson.  I also learned her name was Dorothy.  ~Joann C. Jones

This story hit me. It is amazing how much we can forget when we are going through school, work, family- just LIFE. There are so many people in this world who go unnoticed. Some may want it that way, but what about those who don’t? What about those people who are too afraid or shy to even talk to another person? If they don’t talk or are just sitting in the background, we just look past them; we don’t even think twice about that girl in the back corner of the classroom or the custodian that cleans up after us. We don’t really think about who that person is or what they are about. We never even take the time to find out a person’s NAME.

“Remember people’s names. You will be remembered for it.” I read that in high school and ever since then, it has been my goal to remember the names of people I meet. It was hard to do at first, but the more I started to do it, the easier it was.

Too many people make assumptions about another person. They never take the time to get to know them. And all it starts with is a NAME. Something small and simple. A persons name defines them. It sets them apart from everyone else. Knowing a person’s name lets them know in a small way, you CARE. It means you took the time to to remember THEM. For some reason we can remember a the names of celebrities, why not the people we actually talk to?

Every person you meet will have some impact in your life. You may never know if you will see them again. That person could be your future boss. That person could get your foot into the door of your dream job. That person could be your new best friend.

Bottom Line: Every person has a significant role to play in this world. We may never know what that is unless we take the time to get to know them and REMEMBER THIER NAME.

 

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say August 8, 2009

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Regina: Oh, my [Gosh]! I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Girl: It was my mom’s in the 70’s

Regina: Vintage. So adorable.

Girl: Thanks!

[Girl walks away]

Regina to Cady: That is the ugliest F-ing skirt I have ever seen.

This is a monologue from one of my favorite movies, “Mean Girls”. For some reason I find this to be funny. “But, Alyssa, she tells a girl that she has an adorable skirt and then turns around and says it’s ugly. That is not funny.”

Exactly why it is so funny. Not in a ‘ha ha’ kind of way. More like a ‘huh, I wonder why she would do that’ kind of way.

I once knew a person that would tell me I looked amazing in the outfit I had on. About a week later we were talking about complimenting others. She told me she would compliment a person on their outfit or whatever it was just to make them feel better, not because it actually looked good. Um, what? So did I not look good in the outfit earlier that week?

And I wondered, why would she do that? She told me it was to make others feel better about themselves. Really? Well, what happens when that person finds out you really didn’t mean it; when someone who is really their friend, tells them the outfit really isn’t so flattering? It can and probably will make the person feel worse. Why? Because you just let them walk around all day thinking they looked super awesome, when really they were not.

Things are very competitive in this world today, like getting that job, getting the better grade in school or even getting that boys (or girls) attention. Sometimes, in order to keep us going, we need to hear an HONEST COMPLIMENT from, well anyone. Sometimes it’s what helps us feel like the things we do don’t go unnoticed. This could be in the workplace, to a friend, an acquaintance, a classmate, a nice comment on a blog, etc.

When someone says your hair looks great or that you wrote an awesome blog, it makes you feel great, right? I know it helps me! This is just another small and simple way to help someone; to lift their spirits a bit. But, you must remember to SAY WHAT YOU MEAN and MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. Like mom says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”